“Take a Breath” or “How Salma Hayak Changed My Life”.
Soon after I graduated from the University of Calgary music program in voice, I could no longer sing for more that 5 or ten minutes, as it felt like razor blades were being dragged across my throat. So, with my BMus in hand, I transitioned to making a living with my other love, conducting. I won my first two auditions; Christ Church Youth Choir and the Calgary Renaissance Singers & Players.
I was in my second year of conducting CRSP when a lovely girl from Oregan, who was taking her music degree in voice performance, sat in on one of my rehearsals. We dated for a time - a few months in she suggested that it would be very good for me to do some yoga... this was not a compliment. I didn’t know at the time why she suggested that I needed this thing called “yoga”… but as this girl resembled Salma Hayak, I really had no choice in the matter.
This was 1992 - yoga was nowhere near the household name it is now. In fact my vision of yoga was a little skinny brown man in a loincloth hovering 2 feet off the floor… but like I said, I had no choice.
So I let me fingers do the walking in Calgary’s yellow pages and found “The Yoga Center of Calgary”. Sounded right. I phoned them up (on my landline) and discovered they had a special class for absolute beginners - These classes were called “Free Fridays”. They took place from 7:00-8:30 pm and were led by teacher training students, supervised by their instructors - it was their practicum series, and offered free to the public as such.
I took the class.
I don’t remember a whole bunch about this 1.5 hours, but what stood out in my mind was a thought I had about 25 minutes in: “I know this”. It wasn’t arrogance or hubris, it was a deep memory saying “You have done this before”. Needless to say, I loved it. After the class, I went home to the house where me and my three housemates lived, stood in front of the living room window, and (as I had learned in the class) inhaled my arms up to the ceiling, then exhaled them back down to my sides, and immediately collapsed on the floor, my body wracked with deep, wailing and sobbing. It was uncontrollable - it felt like Mount Vesuvius itself was unleashing itself from my deep belly. It went on for what seemed like hours - and it was hours, although at the time it didn’t feel like it, as I felt like I was in a dream. It wouldn’t stop. After two hours of releasing what felt like the sorrows of the universe, it felt like my skin on my wrists was tearing, my solar plexus was like a hot stove, it felt like something was moving in my pelvic floor…
Weeeellllll… I thought at this point it might just be time to ask for help.
I called my ex who had some experience in energy work: through the veil of rolling thunder pouring out of me I vaguely remember her saying “Dave, you are in danger of blowing out some of your chakras - I’'ll be right over” (apparently this was the feeling of my skin tearing). She sat with me doing her thing ( I could see her hands moving), and at times she literally sat on me. She said later it was to “keep me on the planet”. This went on for another hour or so… the eruptions began to subside. When she left I was still crying intermittently but now it felt like the well was beginning to empty - I was more crying like a normal person, not blowing out of control like an errant gas well. This gentle sobbing went on for anther few hours before I fell asleep.
Apparently the whole “release episode'“ lasted about five hours.
ps and btw: My roommates weren’t home... in case you were wondering…
When I woke up in the morning, well, the best way I can explain it, even now, is that my experience of existence had changed. I felt open. I felt lighter. And I felt heavier. The world’s colours seemed brighter. I swear I could see the trees breathing. Everything I touched seemed more… visceral. My hearing had improved. I felt strong and flexible and stable. My voice had come back. I could sing with freedom, resonance and ease. It dawned on me then, it was tension all along… and now I felt open - I felt free for what seemed to be the first time in my life.
I had a good day that day.
And I went back to yoga.
If you are interested, here are the links to the other two posts of this series describing my three “Near Breath Experiences”.
#2. Turns Out Exhalations Aren’t What We Think They Are.
#3. Aura and Breathing - That’s Interesting.
